How to Deal With Criticism. By Kelly Durant Matthew 11:18-20
18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say,
‘He has a demon.’ 19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say,
‘Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ But
wisdom is justified by her children.”
Once a man and his son
were walking to the market with their donkey. A countryman noticed that the donkey was
walking alongside them and laughed, “You fools, what is a donkey for but to
ride upon?!”
So the man decided to put his son on the donkey and they went
on their way. A little while later they passed a group of men. One of them
said, "See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he
rides."
The man then ordered the boy to get off, and got on himself.
But they hadn't gone far when they passed two women. One of them said to the
other, "Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge
along."
The man didn't know what to do at first. He thought and thought
and finally decided to put his son up in front of him on the donkey.
Soon they reached the town. There too the passers-by began to
jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked them what they were scoffing
at. The people said, "Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that
poor donkey?"
The man and the boy got off. They had to think of what to do
all over again. At last they had an idea. They took a long pole and tied the
donkey's feet to it. Then they raised the pole to their shoulders and carried
the donkey upside down.
They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till
they came to the market bridge. The donkey accidentally got one of his feet
loose and kicking out, caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the
struggle that followed, the poor donkey, with his forelegs tied together, fell
over the bridge and drowned.
When you try to please everybody, you won't please anybody.
Oh, the Critics!
Some people are never happy with anything in life! Actually
we can conclude by the way some people complain about things that they would
not even be happy in heaven!
Imagine someone in heaven trying to rebuke Jesus and his
leadership ways. Do you think God will
tolerate opinions, criticisms with carnal reasoning in heaven over his kindness
to sinners? No! So why do some think we should
tolerate it here on earth? God will purge out all our sin of discontentment if
we will just let Him! Critical dry grumpy people don’t have much of the good
fruit of the spirit!
Did you notice how in Jesus time some people had such
audacity, such disrespect, such rebellion that they would criticize Jesus
actions? The verses show Jesus getting
criticism from others for loving inclusively all people, even sinners.
V. 18 They said ,“John had a demon”, why since he was holy
and good? John the Baptist represented the law and people did not want to have
to obey the law in a way that included repenting from being bad. They just
wanted to do rituals and hope to buy God’s appeasement. John had the old law,
but he was offering something new, a way to make it up with God, a public
baptism to symbolize a new start with God and a repentance to obey the law better
from then on.
No one could do all the requirements of the law so John was
preaching, “Start over, just declare publically that you are a sinner, that you
can never be perfect and repent by a washing of the spirit (by water)for God’s
kingdom is here.
You would think many people would have been happy right then
with a new chance? But John was strict, he required that the people be holy and
live the sacrificial holy lifestyle, one of self-control, no drinking of
alcohol and partying and having fun, no eating for pleasure either; a total
submission to the law in a holy vow of sacrifice. This was radical conservatism with high
demand.
But did his preaching work and get people to live holy lives?
It did with some, but it did not make happy the majority. The people wanted an
alternative.
Now let’s consider Jesus way which was different. Remember
Jesus never baptized others with water! He got baptized so that heaven would
open so to others it would be revealed that John’s ministry had ended at that
point.
John, the most holy man on earth, but honored and worshipped
Jesus as Holy and he declared to worship Him now as He would baptize you with
the Holy Spirit! That is our symbol of the Salvation Army flag, the fire
baptism of the Holy Spirit!
So contrary to John you would think that Jesus would have become
widely accepted and praised after everyone met Him since he was a people
person, a socializer, a party-er, and not a hermit in the desert but one who
would share the food & drink with any sinner. His first miracle was making wine from water!
So Jesus was not demanding a water baptism, nor a strict
following of the law. But did he get so popular with the simplicity of a gospel?
He just loved people and said to, “repent and sin no more” and “love God and
your neighbor as yourself”!
No! Jesus was criticized too! John was harsh and strict and
they said he had a demon! Now that is quite a heavy insult for a holy man!
Jesus is merciful to bad people and requires no rituals, just a repentance, and
no one was happy with that either! They labeled him dirty (and having a demon
too) for having dirty friends and a drunk for sharing meals with sinners! For
sure they laughed and had fun!
So, what is God’s lesson? Nothing makes most people happy!
Neither the strict condemning types, nor the fun loving love the sinner types! We
hear ignorant opinions all the time against good people in the news and within
the churches
Unhappy people always want an excuse as to why they are not
happy with you and not submit to authority, and this includes God’s ordained
authority. People of this complainy nature never admit they are wrong; they
always point the finger to the authority to say it is wrong. But they will be
surprised in the final judgment!
Think back, in Jesus time it must have been like today, some
people must have sincerely repented and never gone back to their old sins and
were saved and content. Others who were just following the group, did the
baptism just to be in with the crowd. The baptism gave them a warm feeling for
a week or more but then went back to being their same old sinful behavior. It was
the same then as it is today! With harshness or with mercy some people always
remain discontent!
Criticisms always abound in the church. People may talk, the Captain is too nice, he
lets people do whatever they want. I
will admit, It is true, I am a “yes’ man but I do say “no” to things obviously
wrong. I do say “yes” to include all kinds of people to participate in anything
we can offer. I was a sinner once and
know the rejected feeling. I just want all sinners to convert by knowing we
love them.
Let’s give a chance to the new ones, I want to give chances
to drunks as William Booth did, and even more chances again with the hope that
each person will and grow in their faith in Jesus. But people behind your back
will always talk trash. They may be angry at me that I would waste my time with
a person they despise. But Jesus rejected only the condemning hypocrites, and
never the sinners!
I live with myself having the fame of loving people and being
flexible and being a lover of strange cultures and an accepter of the extreme humble,
of the rejected people. This is how Jesus has used me for 36 years now! It is
my personality to encourage and love even the sinners who are abusers of my
generosity. I am not ignorant, I know when people are using or abuse me. But
returning love back, Isn’t this what Jesus implied referring to putting coals
of fire on a person’s head?
Forgive me for using myself as an example, but I have heard
people judge me dozens of times, ‘Oh, he is a soft leader and needs, what we
need is someone to come in and put their fist down and put all the people in
their place!’ Really? The mentality of
everyone needs to get-it-socked-to-them always backfires. It is God’s fist that
will come down on the ones who are the grumpiest making all the noise with
their unsolicited opinions! Corrections first should be for the ones
unjustifiably critical! Critics speak up to try to impose their influence
escusing their bad self!
Matthew 7:2For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be
judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Well, you may have had “no to everything” leaders in the past
and I am certain it was unpleasant, (I know I hate it!) and what if you have to
live with that leadership style in the future? I pray you never do have to
suffer under the small minded dictator type. Already in politics, and in our
jobs, and in the world we get enough of the power trippers already. “No” people
are impossible wanting all control!!
The sad reality is in the world most churches I have seen
have pastors who are the dictator types controlling everything as a one man
show, telling everyone what to do, and often this is to serve their personal
needs. This is an injustice of oppression amongst Christians. False start up churches
that are not representing Jesus love but a legalism of their own device for
their own prosperity! Their abuse need to be denounced and their churches abandoned.
Observe that the critical types, the harsh disciplinarian
types usually have few followers of them in Christ. They usually are avoided and for good reason.
After all, who wants friendship, advice, and instruction from someone they know
is not loving and merciful? Being overly strict breaks the spirit and even can
cause many to stumble in their Christian walk. People who say “No” to everyone,
never listening to the councils represent the old way made obsolete by Jesus!
I have served many times in my life under legalistic leaders
that say “No” to everything and I can witness they usually have little or no
fruit for Christ! What is better, “yes” leaders or “no” leaders? What is needed
is the wisdom to know when to apply the yes or the no, but for a leader to be
always be difficult and problematic just because a few people need some stronger
rules applied is wrong as the majority of people and the sinners deserve mercy
and love.
“So wisdom is justified by her children.” (vs 20) What it amounts to, and always remember this,
when people should be under conviction to change their hearts by the leader’s
message yet they refuse, they will then excuse their selves and then pass
criticism on to the leader! They tear down to build their selves up!
They excuse, “There are others who criticize, the leader is
the bad one!” These unhappy ones did it
to John and to Jesus! The ones with demons accused the righteous ones of having
demons! How this futile judging and excuses! Confront others: Let’s talk about
how bad you are for always being unhappy for a change!
There are some people who all their lives have been seeing
everything wrong in everybody else, always harshly criticizing leaders and
others. Like criticizing a person on a unicycle that they move back and forth
too much to stay up when they have never tried it and if they did they would fall
and hit their head! Critical people make up excuses for their pride, lack of
repentance, and change! Notice that critical people over time always criticize
all leaders and everyone around them! They are gossiping to you now, then they
will gossip about you later!
Whether the leader is like John or Jesus, hard or soft,
whether he is demanding the people do things for their selves or he does them
for them, it does not matter. The discontent critic will always justify their selves
and find fault in the other person and never find faults within their own selves.
People with no personal peace with God always bring conflict!
Expose the critics in your homelife amongst your own family
as well! The truly holy and loving people who often do the most good are quite
often attacked the most and made fun of the most by others as the gullible ones
doing favors. The critical ones are really the bad ones though as they accuse
the good ones of being stupid, impossible, or evil a demon! It is like Cain and
Able, the bad one hates the fact that the other one (brother) is authentically
good and they want to pull you down to their level!
Do you have the conviction to just be happy in Jesus now? Pray
to stop the habit of having the unhappy critical attitude. Do something
positive, don’t just run your mouth, get involved and help fix it! Show mercy &
love as Jesus did over & over!
Will you accept the authority of Jesus leadership style of
love and mercy and of doing good to sinners without the criticisms? Many of you
here have a true love from God in your hearts and have proof of this love and
made many friends, while others who often have sour comments seem to not have
many friends. Ask yourself; am I critical of too many things? Am I harsh always
wanting to see others punished? Pray and ask God to help you to be merciful as
you want mercy, loving as you want love, and submissive to authority as you
desire respect as well.
