How to Avoid Manipulators!

How to Avoid Manipulation -What Jesus Taught through Forgiveness!                       

By Capt. Kelly Durant

John 8:1  Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. ²And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. ³And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,⁴They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act ⁵Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? ⁶This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. ⁷So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. ⁸And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. ⁹And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. ¹⁰When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? ¹¹She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

Have you ever been suckered at a Carnaval or at some game? I recall once when I was 12 I had saved up $6 for about 6 months. When you are age 12 money is hard to come and at that time it would have been worth about $60 today. I was shooting at a target with a BB gun and almost getting all the area shot out with a whole big enough to win. They would trick me so good and say, “Keep playing son, you almost won!” I played over and over for almost an hour and a half and spent all my money. Later I felt like such a fool to have wasted all that hard earned money. I was young and learned my lesson, but in life many of us are predisposed to accept abuse because we want to gain something out of pride, something that we may not really need. We get easily misled!

Have you ever felt that people all around you are trying to manipulate you? You are not alone! You may first think it is junk mail and TV advertisers, politicians, and Uncle Sam that are trying to convince you against your will and opinion but actually most manipulation takes place at…guess where? At home!  To manipulate another person for personal gain is a sin and God will hold those who do it guilty for it. Beware.

Many people grow up in abusive homes and you should determine what kind of an example your parents and relatives gave you. Was it good or bad? When either the father or the mother withholds something from the other, hoping to obtain some personal item, usually a luxury item or money, then that is manipulation and abuse! And it can get violent!

Like they say, “People use people and love things, when they should love people and use things”. I personally get angry when I feel taken for a fool, and you?

Before exploring more about the deceitfulness of people for personal gain let’s look at Jesus forgiveness of Jesus for the prostitute sinner. What is the main lesson of this incident? That God will show mercy on all sinners, no matter how many accuse and want to punish, right? It is a comfort to know that God will love the worst of the worst and forgive.

This is a beautiful lesson and we all should feel relief that if God forgave her, then He can forgive you and me! But let’s dig deeper here. Usually we focus on the prostitute, but what were the other ones in the street doing? All of Jesus actions always have multi-faceted lessons for us to learn by, many teachings all in one. We know and understand forgiveness from these verses. Now, what do we learn about the accusers?

It seems obvious that the scribes and Pharisees wanted to manipulate Jesus and the crowd to their cruel way of doing things. What was their way? The condemning self-righteous, double-standard way! Jesus exposed them! Did they stick around and tell Jesus later, “Oh I am so sorry I had such maliciousness in my heart”?  No! They went home angry or convicted for Jesus interfering with their system of things.

If Jesus were to have said: “Agreed, she broke the law and she is worthy of death”, then He would have been allowing the merciless hypocrites to manipulate Him. But what were His words that shock all like a bomb?  7”He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”.

Here clearly Jesus is resisting and not playing the game of the hypocrites. What happened as a result is that all of them had to walk away because in their hearts they knew they were guilty of sin too! Jesus had the divine gift of knowing how to expose sin and stop abuse by those who just wanted the power, control, and manipulation.

Now let’s apply this to our lives at home! When a relative or a friend tries to get you to agree with them on something not quite right, and you feel that pull of the spirit inside you making you feel that it is wrong, what should you do? You should be silent a moment and reflect just like Jesus did!

When they came to pressure Jesus, did he jump right into the discussion? No, we read He wrote on the ground. Haven’t you ever wondered what he wrote? I have many times!  But it seems Jesus was giving all of them time to calm down, time for them to shut up so he could speak.  It worked because when He asked who didn’t have sin, let him throw the first stone, they were all very quiet for sure!

Never let others manipulate you to get you in on the game of gossip, accusations, or bullying another person. People always want to manipulate you and anyone they can to their way of thinking as it usually gives them the advantage over you.

There is a time to forgive, but when a serious sin is harming someone it should be addressed by church leaders in council for correction. There are 2 sides to the coin. Proverbs 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.

I am thankful that in The Salvation Army we must do all decisions, in councils. The Pastoral Councils are the ones who put many heads together to see how to handle something wrong in the Corps or community. It creates a big problem when either the Captains or a certain leader decides to do some punishment on their own with no one’s advice.  By experience I have seen this never works. Like with the Pharisees, they got exposed to the fact that they had no authority due to their sins.

The deceitful part is throwing stones makes some people feel holy, it is a holier–than-thou platform. However, when condemning the sin of another, as Jesus points out, one must take into account one’s own sins. God shows mercy to repentant sinners, do we?

All things we see in life should be handled by prayer. Sometimes there is a time to expose and meet and deal with a sin and other times it is a time to be silent. 1 Peter 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

There are times to point out sin. I John 2: 1, 2 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: 2 And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

What we learn today is how to handle sin and the errors of others without being manipulated into condemning someone without mercy. We must apply in our lives the lesson of Jesus’ forgiveness and also of the exposure of the hypocrite scribes and Pharisees.  Due to pride, power abuse, and deceitfulness, they were manipulated by Satan in their hearts. In the end, all they wanted was to see blood, and see Jesus admit they were right. But they were evil and wrong! Never let anyone lead or manipulate you! To agree with the hypocrite makes you guilty of his sin as well!

Christians must be strong and be the most difficult people on earth to manipulate, use, or abuse! Take time out like Jesus. Let the dust settle before acting on anything. Safeguard yourself with prayer, by more knowledge of God’s word, and share all disturbing things in council with someone strong in the faith. Others may have more facts than you do. Live in the truth and you will always see the truth of motives.